Trouble Breathing
by Deeply-Inept-x
Summary: Sometimes in life, things change quicker than you can blink your eyes. They change for the good, or for the worse. R&R ]


Sometimes in life, things change quicker than you can blink your eyes. And they change for the good, or for the worse. In this case, they changed for the worse. The most permanent thing in her life had been torn away from her, for good. How are you expected to deal with that? She'd been trained to cloud over her eyes, with anything but the emotion she was feeling.

She'd gotten so good at it too.

But something about this whole month kept her from keeping up her tough ass façade. Everything she'd ever been able to keep in seemed so small compared to this. This emotion she'd felt before, but it was never as strong as this.

Pain and regret.

Regrets. Is what her life had been built on, she couldn't escape them. No matter what. They were following her, as if they were her shadow. She'd been known for locking out her real feelings, but if she didn't, she'd have the risk of getting hurt wouldn't she? Nothing scared her more than that. She'd never say what she was feeling; unless it was anger, and then she wouldn't necessarily say it. She used actions.

The pain was constantly there, like a hollow aching in the pit of her heart, and a burning pain in the bottom of her stomach, she ached to be rid of it. She'd do anything to be rid of it. She'd sleep, and it'd be gone while she was asleep, just in her dreams she was safe, and pain free. But when she awoke, she was pushed out into the cold world, like ice into boiling water. And the pain would be back, and she couldn't get rid of it this time. The only way to make it go away was to sleep. And she'd used up her six hours need of sleep for at least three days. Damn Shark DNA.

She found it difficult to express what she was feeling, getting embarrassed easily, when three words were said to her. She couldn't form the words, not ever, something happened to her tongue. Not even on their deathbed. Only when she thought the person was gone, or was no longer listening to her.

And she couldn't, not for the life of her, figure out why. She wanted to, oh, how badly she wanted to.

She remembered the last night/morning of his life, like it had only just happened. It was Ben all over again. Him begging her to kill him, to end his pain. Her heart clenching tightly as she realized what he was saying was true, and it was the only way out.

He was lying down on his back, shaking, blood coming like a stream from his chest, it wouldn't be long... If it wasn't for his genetic enhancement he'd be dead already. The loss of blood making him pale and his lips blue.

_She lifted his head onto her lap, to try to make him more comfortable. She saw him winced and scolded herself. She heard his hoarse voice choke something out._

_"Tonight is a wonderful night to die," she looked at him, the shock evident on her face and voice as she spoke next._

_"How can you tell…?" she said above a whisper, he lifted his gaze to the night sky, and her gaze followed his. He swallowed something in his throat. Before speaking again._

_"Look at the sky. Look at the stars. Look how goddamn ugly the stars are…" his eyes closed, and his breathing became rapid, he was having trouble breathing. His hand clutched his chest._

_"Maxie…" he breathed looking into her eyes. It was happening again, her memory flooded her, and brought tears to her eyes. She couldn't do it again. _

_"No, please. Please?" she begged him, she couldn't loose him too. _

_"Maxie, I…need you to…do it." A deep heavy breath, some longer than others, punctuated all his words. Her eyes clouded over, as the tears began to spill. Her hands were shaking; she could get a grip on this reality. She kept telling herself it wasn't real, it was all a nightmare, but the emotions she was feeling told her it was far from it._

_Her hands got a grip on his neck, and he breathed in deeply._

_"I love you, Maxie…" his last words, before the bone in his neck were snapped. _

_"I love you too." She removed her hands from him neck, and leant over him, kissing his cold cheeks. Sobbing quietly, and that's how Josh found her. Crying, bloody with Alec's blood. _

She killed him, killed him the same way she'd killed her brother. They both asked for it. Both of them, and she blocked out the stabbing pain in her chest. The tight clench it preformed when he'd asked her. She knew, deep, deep down, she knew that if she didn't do it then he'd be in more pain before he took his last breath.

But, God. The pain she was feeling now...Was a whole lot worse. She'd killed him, ended it before it begun.

His words stuck in her mind. The exact way he said them, the right pauses at the right times, and the long pause before she could dare to say it back.

She remembered the Doctor who checked her over, telling her repeatedly that she was lucky. He called her lucky. It almost made her laugh. She cringed as the tears began to flow freely from her eyes. Forming hot pathways down her cold cheeks. She'll never be okay. 'Cause nothing ever turns out right.

She always has trouble breathing, because of the wrenching pain that formed in her heart.

He was a well loved man, everyone who knew him liked him, must of been something in his cocktail, because no one ever got tired of his annoying tendencies. Alec's death hit everyone pretty hard in the gut, but Max...She took his death the hardest, and secretly, everyone knew why.


End file.
